Adventure Consciousness Part 2 — Comfort Management
We live in a world of risk management. A world where entire departments, entire companies exist purely for the purpose of identifying, minimizing, and removing risks. This is not good for us.
One of the amazing memories I have from school was playing bulldogs in the summer evenings. (Yes, even I have to admit boarding school wasn’t ALL bad!)
Every evening, after dinner, people from all age groups, even some of the teaching staff, would gather on the front lawn and play together for an hour or so.
Bulldogs, for anyone who doesn’t know, is kind of like American Football but with out the ball or the pads. You start with everyone in a line at one end of the pitch, and one ‘bulldog’ in the middle. Everyone runs from one side to the other, and the bulldog has to tackle as many as possible. They then become bulldogs and the goal is to be the last one uncaught.
It gets pretty brutal.
And it has now been banned in schools, along with playing conkers, and even outdoor activities, for health and safety reasons. Even tag has been banned in some schools in the UK.
But the beauty of those evenings playing bulldogs was that everyone knew how rough to be. It was an opportunity for the younger kids to play and bond with the older kids and staff, and everyone knew that you used as much aggression as necessary but no more.
And everyone felt like they were playing the same game.
Of course, people got hurt sometimes, myself included, and on occasion someone needed a talking to for going too hard, but it was overall an incredibly positive experience for everyone involved.
And so to our world of RISK management. Whole departments, even whole companies dedicated to the elimination of risk.
Heated seats in our cars. Drive-thru McDonalds. No sailing trips for school kids. $2000 mattresses to ensure that we feel like we are sleeping on a cloud. Participation medals.
We have forgotten what it means to be uncomfortable.
But here’s the thing. Throughout evolution, risk-taking was a necessary part of survival. To bring down a mammoth or a sabre-tooth so that your tribe could eat was incredibly dangerous, but necessary. To defend your children against the hungry wolves.
So over millennia, risk taking got encoded into our DNA.
But there is more to being uncomfortable than simply taking risks. Indigenous cultures the world over have mandatory rites of passage. Vision quests. Sweat lodges. War games. The progression from child to adult, particularly for boys, requires leaving behind the safety and comfort of home, in service of discovering who you are and what your purpose in life is.
For, as Michael Meade says in The Genius Myth, it is when in trouble that we discover resources we never knew we had, and move closer to the knowing spirit that brought us to life in the first place.
But now we have no outlet for our innate nature, and in a lot of cases actively discourage it.
And so we turn to computer games, drugs, and other numbing activities. Gangs prey on vulnerable young kids who are desperate to FEEL something. We have forgotten what it means to be ALIVE.
So what happens if we flip the switch. What happens when we start managing the COMFORT level in our lives?
How ALIVE is it possible to feel?
How CONNECTED is it possible to feel?
How INSPIRED is it possible to be?
Let’s talk about the bible for a minute. Where did Moses receive the ten commandments? Up a mountain. Where did Jesus feed the 5000? Up a mountain. Mt Ararat was the resting place of Noah’s Ark. Abraham sacrificed his son Isaac on Mt. Moriah.
If you look closely, a significant proportion of the stories, lessons and symbolism that western culture and religion is built on were received, downloaded, or learned by someone who would have been desperately uncomfortable. Greek, Roman, Hindu gods all live at the top of mountains or deep in the underworld. Buddhism is an entire religion devoted to embracing suffering as a path to enlightenment. Why?
What is it about climbing a mountain, sailing an ocean, fasting for days on end, that has us connect with something deeper? That creates an opening for wisdom, whether it be a download from God or a simple insight that changes everything? Why can’t we just do that from our desks or the comfort of our memory foam mattress?
There is a lot to talk about here. From the experience of awe, to the revealing of our true nature. I will do my best to keep it succinct.
When we live each day the same way we did yesterday, with our same routines, seeing the same people, doing the same things in the same places, the same way, at the same time, there isn’t a whole lot of room for inspiration. We get comfortable, we get complacent, and we get lost.
When we step outside of our normal surroundings, our normal routines and our normal circles, we experience several things all at the same time. For me the three most important are:
- Fear
- Awe
- Presence
1. Fear
So many of us try to live our lives these days without experiencing fear. We shy away from it, interpreting the feeling of fear as a signal that we should run in the opposite direction. We avoid difficult conversations. We don’t go for promotions. We never get those saxophone lessons we have always wanted because it’s just easier not to. We are led to believe that if we just keep our heads down and don’t make a fuss then we might feel better about things tomorrow. Or next week. Or next year.
“Go into your fear. Silently enter into it, so you can find its depth. And sometimes it happens that it is not very deep.” — Osho
We do everything we can to sterilise our environment so that we don’t experience fear. However all we achieve by doing so is the magnification of fear. We end up living in a state of constantly being terrified, without even knowing it. All we are afraid of is fear itself. The more we hide from fear, the smaller and smaller we become, ever more resentful and bitter about the life we could be living.
Fear is a powerful force. One that, when harnessed, can propel us like a rocket towards a life of fulfilment. Because the truth is that in life, we are generally afraid of the things that are important to us. Fear is an equal and opposite component of possibility: where there is possibility, there is fear. When we close off and reduce and minimise the fear we are willing to be with, we reduce the amount of possibility in our lives to zero. On the other hand, when we learn to embrace our fear, to use it as a compass pointing the way to our dreams, we can unleash unlimited possibility, which then of course comes with unlimited fear.
The more we push into the unknown, into possibility, and therefore into our fear, the more we realise that there is a significant difference between percieved danger and real danger. I believe this is a part of what Osho is referring to in the above quote. More often than not, the thing we are really afraid of isn’t actually all that scary. Stepping onto the stage is way more scary than actually giving the speech. We allow ourselves to be scared by the idea of the thing, but when we push through that we find that the thing itself is actually not too bad. Maybe even really fun and rewarding.
Each time we allow ourselves to be uncomfortable and lean into our fear, our comfort zone grows as we realise that we are a lot more capable than we thought. That our fear is a lot more shallow than we thought.
The better we become at navigating our fear, the more we can invite and embrace possibility into our lives. The possibility of fulfilment. Wealth. Joy. Love. Meaning. The greater our capacity to be with our fear, the wider the range of experiences we can encounter without losing presence, which in turn means more of what we want in life becomes available to us.
As Franklin D. Roosevelt said, Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.
What’s more important to you?
2. Awe
The experience of awe, whether taking in a sunset from a mountain ridge or attending a seminar and being surrounded by experts in your field, is a humbling, inspiring, joyful experience.
He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. - Albert Einstein
To be reminded of how small and insignificant I am as I look up at the stars on a clear night. To be reminded that the heroes I put on pedestals are simply humans like me who have made commitment to something they believe in and are inspired by.
In experiencing awe, we are forced to view everything from a different perspective. As we look down at the valley bottom where we were just a few hours ago, our perspective has shifted, and we have shifted. We come back from adventure changed. We have learned something. We have created new synaptic pathways in our brains.
I remember the first time I went to a coaching intensive. I paid $5000 for a 9 day event, with 50 high level coaches from around the world. It was intimidating, not only because it was the biggest single investment I’d ever made in myself, but because who was I to be in a room with all these incredible people doing incredible things?
I was in awe of it all. The people, the possibility, the whole experience. But here’s the thing…everyone else in the room felt the same. I was viewed not as some newbie fraud who didn’t deserve to be there, but as a peer, and I left feeling like one. Some of those people that I was so intimidated by I now count among my best friends.
Another important factor of awe is how it changes the way we see the world. When I stand on top of a mountain and look out over the peaks, valleys, forests, lakes and rivers I feel a profound connection to this place. To our home. I feel a responsibility to look after it, to leave it better for the generations to come. Astronauts talk about the overview effect; the impact of seeing how small and fragile our planet appears from space. Adventurers the world over talk about how humbling it is to experience nature in all her majesty, and the profound impact they bring back into their lives from these experiences.
When was the last time you truly experienced awe?
3. Presence
When we are faced with discomfort, challenge and fear, one of two things happens. Either we find a level of presence and awareness that simply isn’t available to us under normal circumstances, or we go the other way, and either dissociate, break down or panic.
Your presence is the most precious gift you can give to another human being -Marshall B Rosenberg
If we manage our exposure to discomfort properly, i.e. we don’t take on too much too fast, then we experience a focus, a clarity and a level of presence that can be truly life changing. This is the real skill of guiding someone into the unknown, and again, as with everything I have to say about adventure, this applies to navigating business, relationship and spirituality just as much as it does navigating the mountains.
When you go to the gym for the first time, you would be ill advised to put 400lbs on the bench press, or set the treadmill to 15mph. At best you’ll be discouraged, at worst you might be seriously injured.
By the same token if your first exposure to risk is base jumping, or your first encounter with business is trying to build a billion dollar unicorn, you risk overwhelm. This is one of the problems I see with a lot of the ‘coaching’ I see on my social feed these days. People like Tony Robbins selling people their dreams as if all it takes is a bit of enthusiasm. Marketing coaches promising you will send one email and start having 30k months.
Any mountain guide worth their salt builds trust with their clients by helping them take the next step that is appropriate for them. A personal trainer in the gym should do the same. And so should a marketing guru, relationship coach, or anyone else proposing to be your guide into the unknown.
The trick to finding this state of presence, or flow as you may have heard it described, is pacing. The science shows that 4% outside of your comfort zone is the flow zone. This is where you do a week’s worth of work in an afternoon. Or where you stomp the biggest jump of your life in the skate park. Or where you crush the presentation and raise the capital you need for your business. The personal trainer in the gym will tell you to increase the weight by 10–15% max. Any more than that and you run the risk of the experience being detrimental to your progress. And the same is true with exposure to risk and discomfort. Because while the potential for incredible benefits exists, there is a very real risk of trauma if you expose yourself to overwhelming levels of discomfort and fear.
So what is this experience of deep presence, flow, and connection?
I love rock climbing as an example of this. It’s almost the opposite of awe. When I’m climbing a very easy route, I don’t need to concentrate much. I am relaxed, breathing easily, looking around, experiencing the awe of the situation. When the route is way too hard, I’m scared, panicking, holding on for dear life and not really aware of anything other than impending doom.
When I get the balance right, I experience flow. It’s hard enough that I have to be fully involved, but not so hard that I lose my ability to cope. My entire world condenses to a 3 inch square of rock. I feel the texture of the tiny rock crystals under my fingers. Minute changes in how I position my toes completely changes how much force I can generate. the world around me completely disappears and I enter a state of hyper-focus. Time slows down. Thoughts vanish, and the body does what it knows how to do without interference from the mind.
I have experienced the same thing talking in public, when I’m just prepared enough, but not over-practiced. Working with clients, attending trainings, building my business. All the moments in life when distractions disappear and I experience insane productivity have been these moments where the balance between difficulty and skill has been just right. I’m sure you have experienced this too.
And again, just like with fear above, as we increase our exposure to these flow states, we bring increased presence back into our daily lives. We navigate challenges in a calmer, more collaborative way. We find we are able to really listen with our partner, instead of just waiting for our turn to speak.
There is another kind of presence that is equally important. When we are outside of our normal environment, we become present and engaged in what is going on around us. As we walk through the forest, we notice the moss on the trees, the light playing in the foliage, the sounds of the animals that live there. In these moments we are NOT focussed on our problems. The divorce we’re going through, or the major business challenge we are facing.
It is my experience, and that of my clients, that it is in these moments of gazing at the petals of a flower, or looking out over a beautiful sunset, that inspiration strikes. The solution to the problem arrives as if by magic. If we have had to put in significant physical effort to get to this place, and experienced flow as described earlier in this section, then the door to inspiration is opened even wider.
It is for this reason that I encourage my clients to schedule ‘black time’ in their calendars. This is time when they are not in the office. not attending meetings or phone calls. Not engaged in ‘thinking’ about the problem. And without fail it is where the big ideas, the big solutions appear.
It is uncomfortable going on an adventure. stepping into the unknown. But it is in the unknown that we discover resources we never knew we had access to. It is in the unknown that the layers are stripped back and our true essence is revealed to us.
It is in the unknown that we can become who we already are.
If you are ready to manage the comfort level in your life, to step into the unknown and take action on your impossible dream(s) I’d love you to join me.
Find out more about Tom and his work at www.altitudeevolution.com
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